Things I Wish I Had Done Differently 5 Years Ago
10:31 pm
- Accept that not every friendship has to make the transition from “school you” to “work you.” It’s just not natural to need every person to carry over into a very new, possibly geographically disparate era of your life. But forcing those relationships feels like the right thing to do, because letting people you loved in high school/college/growing up go feels like a failure. And not all of them will fade, of course, but trying to maintain each of those friendships while bringing in all of your new ones from your adult life is just exhausting, and never lasts anyway.
- Embrace the time I still had with my “school” friends. A lot of the people who were close as a teen or early-20-something ended up fading from my life, as is natural, both because we had totally different lives and because we lived nowhere near each other. And though I have no regrets about the direction my life has headed, I should have been more appreciative of those relationships while they were around me. I could have made the effort to take a few more trips, or really seek a few people out for one-on-one time, but I assumed they’d all be around forever.
- Realize that “your identity” is totally fluid and doesn’t need to be defined by any one choice. Single, taken, working, traveling, student, professional — whatever. When you’re just starting out in the world, it feels like you have to find your “thing” and you take comfort in having a concrete answer when someone asks what you’re doing (in your personal and professional lives). It’s familiar to be able to say “I’m in grad school,” or “I work in advertising,” or “I’m seeing someone right now.” It staves off the uncomfortable questions and makes us feel like we have a place. But who we are is not a collage of terms that we can use to describe our choices, and there is nothing wrong with changing our minds about what we want, or moving away from what we thought was our identity. You are you, whether that’s in a 9-to-5 or a coffee shop, single or married. I wish I’d had the courage to accept that when I was entering the real world.
- Learn to let go. Sometimes, people will come into your life, and you have the tendency to try to make them stay. Don’t. The people who are supposed to be in your life—the people who really love you—will be right there, always. I wish you could learn this. Learn to let go and wish people well on their way. You have too many people who love you to care about the people who don’t.
- It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Life is not supposed to be a joy ride every single day. It’s okay to have a broken heart or hurt feelings or to be anxious or nervous. It’s resisting these things that give them their choke hold on you. Let it be a beautiful and sad part of the story, but only a page or a chapter here and there, not the whole book. One day you will realize how important these dynamics are.
- Stop being afraid of being who you are. At the end of the day, people can hate on you as much as their little cold hearts desire, but what it should all really tell you is that there is some gaping insecurity within them that forces them to be mean to you. You are a bad ass. You are a fantastic person. You are going to do great things, even thought you don’t feel like you’re worth anything right now. Stop trying to hide who you are or cover it up because you think if people attack your armor they won’t affect who you really are. But the truth about that is you are allowing them to control your ego because you’re not in tune with your true self.
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